I know I'm long overdue (okay it's been a little over a week) on pictures of the little people in our house. There's a couple at the bottom of this post and goodness, they seem bigger on the camera than in real life! Little Man doesn't usually sit on the table, I promise. Hubs put him up there, I grabbed the camera. Ava was our stealth, table climbing toddler.
I feel like there's been lot's of tragedy in blog-land lately and it's been weighing so heavy on my heart. Do you read Joanne's blog?? It contributed to my last post on priorities. We are not garanteed tomorrow, or even today. Moment by moment, breath by breath is all we have.
This week has been tough. I know that in my life Satan's foothold is doubt. Doubting God's promises to me. Doubting myself and the things I do. Doubting God's will. *cough, homeschooling, cough, cough*
Knowing these things, you'd think I'd be prepared to combat these lies when he whispers them in my ears. Not always. I've spent so much time this week doubting the job I'm doing homeschooling Chloe, wondering if the other two are getting enough of me each day. Wondering if Chloe is where she should be academically. Doubting I'm really cut out for this gig of mother/homeschooler. Wouldn't she be better off in a classroom where teaching is really the only "job" of the teacher (as opposed to home where I'm wiping bottoms while doing phonics with her, nursing while teaching math, half distracted half of the time?).
I know every homeschool mom feels like this now and then. If they don't, well, I don't think they are normal. And I've read it takes three years of homeschooling to really get "into your groove". I don't feel like I have three years to wait for that.
Things just feel "hard" right now. Three kids, 5 and under, where time, energy and finances are always running low. I know it's just a season. I'm really desperate to enjoy each second. And I put hard in parenthesis because compared to the struggles of others, my life is a cake walk.
Deep breath. Thankful it's Friday.
Ugh! I think we all know exactly how you feel. I bought curriculum and set up my house and everything for homeschooling, just to change my mind the week before. My son is doing great at school, and I figure I can always go back to homeschooling! Parenting is full of so many tough choices, because we really love our kids and want to do the very best for them! I'm glad I'm not alone!
ReplyDeleteYou are right... this a season in our lives. A season that deserves it's own emotion, devotion and attention to detail. As you stated above, we are not guaranteed tomorrow. I am so glad we are friends and that you share your heart! It has been way too long since I've commented on your blog and I just wanted to give you a blog ((hug)) even though I just saw you this morning!
ReplyDeleteI hope we can serve on MOPS again this next year... I pray that God will lead us into the "right" position... I often miss our time as Table Leaders together- we had some good times:)
Happy new week, Lisa! You are an amazing mommma to three adorable little souls!
Lisa, I wish I could be there and just hug your neck. This time is hard. No doubt about it. I wish I could sugar-coat it and make it seem better, but bottom-line is: it is hard.
ReplyDeleteNow, from the perspective from the other side (older children out of the so-needy stage): it is also a wonderful time. You have freedom right now. You don't have to be tied to a schedule. You can call a PJ and movie day and it is okay. Take a short break, read and cuddle. Get a sitter and go to the library-by yourself. Sit and think through things. Talk with your hubby. Make sure you are on the same team about it all.
You can do this. And you will never regret it. I promise.