Oh December...

You've snuck up on me December. I love your younger sister November, but you December are not my favorite. Sure, Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year. But our Decembers have been filled with sadness the last few years. I read something the other day that put my stressed out mom to four self at ease. It was something about waiting for the miracle or magic of Christmas and feeling like things will not be special enough (I'm sure I'm totally ruining whatever I read with this poor rememberance...) but it said we can never live up to the miracle that already happened, Christ's birth. So simple, yet when I read it, it was like "No kidding! That's a relief!". My pinterest loving self just feels like a failure this time of year. I miss my family, I miss my Grandma who passed away December a few years ago, I lose my cool with my kids and I'm positive all they'll ever remember is a mean, yelling Mommy.

I'm trying so stinking hard to get everything in, make the memories, be a good wife and mom and daughter and friend. And life just yucks it up sometimes. Broken relationships, financial stress, family stress, tattling children. I could go on. I just want to sit. Enjoy the miracle of Christ's birth and not wallow in my own failures and disappointments. I want my kids to remember a mom in awe of Jesus at this time of year. That's it.