A Mom's Night Out..

A mom’s night out often begins like this….

Comfy jeans or fancy pants?

Unrecognizable stain on comfy jeans…does it smell funny? Will anyone notice? Is that really peanut butter?

Comfy jeans.

Fancy top. Ah….fancy tops. Fancy top that hides the baby love around the middle. But do I now look pregnant? Do I care if strangers think I’m pregnant?

Fancy top has greasy finger prints from last MNO when I was trying to escape the children….

Button down top. Control top tank underneath. Do these jeans look too mom-ish?

Do I want to look like a mom tonight, or just a 26 year old out with friends (who all happen to be moms…)?

Make up. Oh ,make up I haven’t seen you for days….apply concealer around dark circles…a little bit more. Use bronzer on pasty white cheeks. (Remember the days of laying out lathered in baby oil, squeezing lemon juice in hair.) Check pedicure (self-administered of course). Put on perfume.

Sneeze uncontrollably.

Change shirt, can’t stop sneezing. Can’t find new shirt. Go through about 6 different options.

Find one. Change jeans. Change skirt, back to original jeans.

Shoes…comfy or not so much? Shoot, it’s a rare evening out, let’s torture our feet! Search for lipgloss, earrings and watch. Find lipgloss (free sample from Clinique, worth about a weeks’ amount of baby wipes). Find earrings. Fancy ones. Earrings burn ear lobes. Remove earrings.

Find watch on 3 year old’s wrist.

Load wallet, keys and cell into purse, not diaper bag. The screaming of the children begins.

They’ve realized you’re escaping. Kiss brave Husband and crying children. Slip out garage door.

Back out of the driveway and breathe sigh of relief.

Meet up with girlfriends, breathe another sigh of relief after hearing their night started off the same as yours.