My Road to Gentle Parenting pt. 2

Please start with part 1 here: My Road to Gentle Parenting pt. 1

I came to a place where I knew God wanted something different for my family. I had two daughters and knew that the discipline we used was not always effective, in fact it was rarely effective. I talked with my husband about this issue and we decided that we'd only spank for matters of safety. That seemed okay, right?

This was put to the test shortly afterwards.

We went boating with my husband's family one summer afternoon. When we boarded the boat and the girls were given their life jackets to wear I put them on with no problem. My younger daughter started whining about the life jacket. Looking back, this situation is soo clear and obviously a problem. She has issues with clothes, tight things, certain shoes, jeans, and jackets. Nothing super serious, normal kid stuff. And remember, this is not my people pleasing daughter.

Whining escalated to crying, which then turned into screaming. Loud. Screaming. We had already pulled away from the dock and my husband's family was less than thrilled about our screaming daughter. I was so embarrassed. Remember the pride issues? Yeah, this day cured me of that, because I had none left. I felt out of control. Why wouldn't she just obey?! This was that matter of safety!!! I had to spank her, right? My husband and I exchanged looks and there, in front of our entire family, I spanked her. She just got madder and started trying to rip off the life jacket. We were still moving on the boat! So I spanked her again. She got even angrier. It clearly was not working, spanking her. And I hated embarrassing her in front of our family. But I thought I had no choice! She was so irrational, screaming and crying and trying to take off the life jacket as the boat was racing along across the water.

I was livid. I was embarrassed. I knew everyone was thinking I was a bad parent. I couldn't even control my own daughter!

The boat day was the real turning point. If you're wondering what else happened that day...it was pretty uneventful. We parked at a beach, took off the life jacket and my daughter said "too tight!" and ran off and played. But my heart was broken. What had I just done?? She was trying to communicate in her very two-year old way and I had basically told her to shut up.

Here's where the main point of our journey comes in.....I really started thinking about God the Father. God the Father who disciplines his children. Jesus and his treatment of children. The Bible referring to children as a blessing!

I am a child of God. A stubborn, prideful, sinful child of God. I am not without sin, the furthest thing from it! Why did I expect these little children to be sinless? How could I expect my children to do those things I asked or instructed when I, at the slightest exertion of their will- whether it be defiance, disobedience or simply childish behavior or exploration- physically hurt them, even with complete self control and good intentions?

And what is it about spanking in Christian circles that makes it so acceptable?! The verse regarding the rod, Proverbs 13:24, is an Old Testament verse. The Old Testament was a time where God's people were ruled by the Law, not by God's grace. In the OT people were stoned to death for certain sins...in the NT Jesus said "Let him who is without sin throw the first stone" (John 8:7). I truly believe we are to follow Jesus' example and parent our children with grace.

Where does that leave me? As a parent who permits her children to do anything? As a parent walking on eggshells afraid her children would disobey and how then would I handle things?? What other options do I have?! I really was clueless as to where to go from here....

to be continued...